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• "what you're blogging an episode two nights in a row and actually finishing the season WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH KATIE"
• shhh. there is no need to be upset.
• no tears now. just dreams. (and also the hour). let's do this thing.
• (p.s. pretending I don't have any responsibilities in order to watch this you're welcome)
• okay first I just CAN'T with the extra guy who announces the police raid on El Paradis, I mean if you've forgotten please watch that scene again because this guy took his one line waaaayy too seriously
• "THIS! . . . IS A RAAAAID!!!" like yes thank you for making that clear I was wondering what all those armed police officers were for
• but I digress
• (this portion of the liveblog brought to you by Thoughts I Have During The Theme Song)
• psssshhhh I just spit all over my screen because Lix told Bel there was a "Mr. Kendall" waiting for her in her office and I spent a good 30 seconds going "who the hell is Mr. Kendall" when all of a sudden SURPRISE IT'S MCDREARIPANTS
• LIKE WHY THE FUCK DO I NOT KNOW YOUR NAME ALREADY
• Bill Kendall
• that doesn't even suit him
• OH SHIT Drearipants is having a meltdown in the middle of the office and I am LOVING IT
• of course your relationship isn't going anywhere Drearipants, BEL IS IN LOVE WITH FREDDIE
• and she has 54 minutes left to admit it #sobbing
• Drearipants: Is it Mr. Lyon?
• Bel: *silence*
• ding ding ding we have a winner
• Marnie: What one *should* love about me is that I am a strong and capable woman.
• you go girl
• whoa ho ho Stearne has gone total badass mode with this crackdown on corruption, I'm just not sure he remembers his own involvement
• Hector: (to Stearne) You live in this place where you don't acknowledge anything!
• thanks for the back-up Hector, I gotchu babe
• Asdfghjkllahdjdkl Isaac is sat in a cupboard listening to his own radio play
• Sissy: My own dad wouldn't even give me away.
• Isaac: You should have asked me.
• I AM FUCKING CRYING AN OCEAN RIGHT NOW, THE WHOLE GODDAMN PACIFIC I TELL YOU
• Freddie: (to Kiki) You don't have to be afraid.
• Kiki: What, like Rosa didn't have to be afraid?
• she makes a fair point, airhead
• Bel: (to Freddie) Oh my god. Even you're worried.
• and that's the sign that this story CANNOT BE GOING ANYWHERE GOOD.
• Bel: (to McCain) Are you saying that you want to help us?
• McCain: Yes, perhaps I am.
• McCain is the bEST character, your argument is invalid?!? I don't know, he's just been the wORST for so long, I'm so conFUSED
• I JUST SCREAMED AND SENT MY FAMILY RUNNING BUT OMFG WE DON'T NEED TO TALK WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING AAAAAAAAHHHHHH FINALLY AHHH AND THEN HE KISSED HER asdfghjklasdfghjjladfhhkkl
• YOU ARE POSSIBLE WITH ME
• YOU ARE POSSIBLE WITH ME
• YOU ARE POSSIBLE WITH ME
• SOMEONE HELP ME I HAVE TURNED INTO A GIANT TEAR
• ack she's so freaking happy look at her happy squeeing face
• ...
• and now I'll wait for the impending unhappiness sigh
• Mr. Brown: Ditch the desk.
• /everyone stares at him, horrorstruck/
• yep I'm pretty sure that was the actual stage direction no one can convince me otherwise
• oh my fucking god Marnie's pregnant isn't she oh my fucking god oh my jesus christ holy fuck
• oh jesus fucking christ on a fancy fucking motorbike she is
• I can't take this anymore, Hector's just going to accept it
• I GUESS THERE WAS A REASON FOR THE WHOLE "SURPRISE IMPOTENCY" PLOTLINE
• oh and now we're back to the Randall and Lix angst, their daughter's totally dead isn't she
• "killed with both her parents in an air raid" hurrah
• Randall: Would you forgive me if I asked you to go?
• Lix: I... I can't move.
• on a list of things that are not okay LET'S ADD ME JFC I'M SO DONE
• AND THAT FUCKING BEE IS BACK IN MY WALL, I THINK IT JUST ENJOYS MOCKING ME
• I'm sorry I just identify with Randall so much it's kind of hurting me
• also that was simultaneously the saddest and the scariest sequence I think I've ever seen
• did Freddie just tell Kiki "you're the bomb" I just I don't even anymore /flips laptop off bed
• something
• tells me
• that Freddie
• won't be following
• Kiki to the studio
• and I
• am not
• okay with this
• did Freddie just fix his hair even though he's probably about to be beaten to death or something equally horrific because if so I'm about to turn this show off
• that is just too fabulous for me Freddie
• ouch that was right in the balls
• Kiki: What if he doesn't get here?
• Bel: Why wouldn't he get here?
• he can't walk right now Bel he just took some serious damage to the nuts
• if I have to watch
• Freddie die
• AFTER EVERYTHING THIS SHOW HAS PUT ME THROUGH
• OR IF WE END ON A CLIFFHANGER OR SOME SHIT
• I WILL FUCKING CUT A BITCH
• did he have to cry GOD FUCKING DAMNIT THIS IS NOT OKAY
• no seriously this is actually THE MOST HORRIBLE, ANGST-RIDDEN THING I HAVE EVER SEEN AND I HATE YOU ALL
• WOW
• wowowowow
• NICE FLASHBACK THERE BBC
• REAL NICE
• BRB CUTTING MY HEART OUT WITH A BLUNT KNIFE
• BECAUSE IT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE LESS PAINFUL
• FUCK THIS SHIT
• are you fucking kidding me is that it is he dead
• wow okay and now hector and kiki are both throwing stearne under the bus and for some reason I don't feel that he deserves that even with all his hypocrisy but whatever not like I was expecting anything from this show at this point
• well that Stearne suicide thing probably would have been a bigger surprise had they not shown it in the preview last episode but I guess that was their form of a trigger warning
• and then Pike or whatever sold out Cilenti, not surprising, I hope they both get what's coming to them IN THE SEASON THAT WILL NEVER COME HAHAHAHA
• OH GREAT BEL ACTUALLY DID WRITE FREDDIE BACK AS WELL BUT NEVER SENT THE LETTER, THAT'S SYMBOLIC AS SHIT
• MONEYPENNY
• MONEYPENNY
• MONEYPENNY
• HAHAHAHAHAHAH
• HA
• HA
• HA
• MONEYPENNY
• HAAA
• /dies
• MONEYPENNY

• Okay so I have an idea
• What if we just pretend that
• I didn't take a 3 month break between episodes
• And everything is fine and you love me again hmm?
• yes good let's go with that EPISODE 5 HERE WE GO
• I definitely had to reread my own liveblogs to remember what was going on this time and like jesus christ I wish I talked about the show more because all I seem to have refreshed on is how cute FREDDIE and Isaac are and something about fuzzy sweaters
• Yes my phone just automatically capitalized Freddie that must mean we're back THAT'S IT I'M BACK EVERYONE
• sorry I'll start talking about the show now
• oh, how I have missed you, jazzy theme tune
• AW FUCK FREDDIE IS CUTE THOUGH LIKE FUCK
• okay so apparently Rosa Maria DID die see good I remembered her name
• I still have all these feels for Sey, especially now with the "GO HOME"
• Sey: Still no Mrs. Lyon?
• Freddie: She's, uh, still with friends.
• /one-direction-laughing-version.mp3
• Sey: (about the nasty GO HOME message) It's not going to wipe the smile off my face today!
• I JUST SQUEAKED AT YOUR CUTENESS COME HERE AND LET ME LOVE YOU
• " BODY OF WOMAN IDENTIFIED AS ROSA-MARIA RAMIREZ "
• Freddie's expression: ah fuck
• no
• nao
• NO
• snyo
• MARNIE AND HECTOR ARE NOT I REPEAT NOT ALLOWED TO BE ACTING THIS CUTE AFTER EVERYTHING THEY'VE PUT ME THROUGH JFC
• and now Hector's jealous of freaking Alistair or whatever his name is OF ALL PEOPLE. you blew it Hector you had her AND YOU LOST HER
• Mr. Brown: Close the door, Mr. Wengrow.
• yeah Isaac get your shit together
• Bel is about to lose her shit here I can acTUALLY SEE HER losing her marbles, she's like "you dumb shits a girl HAS DIED"
• Mr. Brown: I leave it in your hands, Mr. Lyon. Leave McCain to me.
• why is Randall such is a foreboding badass I don't know do you.
• side note: McCain you's in trouuubbbbbble
• other side note: there is a bee trapped in my wall okay carry on
• I am legit crYING after that last Freddie/Bel exchange WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU FREDDIE
• like, I would quote all Bel's ice-cold lines but it would take all day so instead I'll just stick with DAMN
• oh shit Kiki just found out about Rosa-Maria
• oh good and Dreary McDrearipants is back it just keeps getting better.
• I don't know, it just amuses me how this is a BBC program and they're not-so-subtly painting ITV as the bad guy
• Mr. Brown: Madness is a prerequisite for any good journalist.
• just like dayum with your rhetoric, man
• did Freddie just blackmail Stearne I think he did.
• Stearne: You know, we're all polishing buttons, Mr. Lyon, otherwise why would you be pursuing this story with such fervor? You talk of my ambition when... All I can see is your own.
• APPLY COLD WATER TO BURN, dayuuummmm.
• A BURN FROM STEARNE.
• ... I'm truly sorry for that one.
• ooooooh Mr. Brown's meeting up with McCain dis gon be gud.
• McCain: Oh christ.
• BUSTED.
• lololol Randall and McCain have matching glasses how cute.
• I am sick as a dog as I type this, please don't judge me.
• Like, I am talking "when Cameron was in Egypt's land, let my Cameron goooooooooo" sick
• </3
• hmm?
• what's that you say?
• oh, that? the broken heart?
• oh well silly me I forgot to mention SEY GODDAMN WELL PROPOSED TO SISSY AND ISAAC FOUND OUT ABOUT IT AND YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS STUPID PATHETIC BROKEN-HEARTED FACE I HATE THIS SHOW AND I HATE ALL OF YOU.
• ... NO, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS YET, I AM UPSET FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS.
• 1) obviously Isaac and his goddamn stupid puppy dog eyes
• 2) CLEARLY SISSY/ISAAC ARE MEANT TO BE CANON AND SO PROBABLY SOMETHING REALLY HORRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO SEY WHO I ALSO REALLY LIKE
• 3) fuck that's why Sey was so happy this morning which is really ominous because now something is definitely, definitely going to happen to Sey AND I DID NOT WANT TO PAY THAT PRICE FOR SISSY/ISAAC
• 4) THAT IS, IF ANYTHING EVEN HAPPENS THIS GODDAMN SEASON BECAUSE IT GOT CANCELED LIKE JESUS CHRIST
• if that atomic bomb on the news reel was supposed to be symbolic of this story blowing up in everyone's faces (again) then fuck me gently with a chainsaw I am done with this show
• SISSY'S ALONE OMG IT'S TIME TO MAKE YOUR MOVE ISAAC.
• Isaac: They're recording my play. Now. Right now, and I'm in a cupboard.
• Because I haven't said it yet this episode ISAAC BB LET ME LOVE YOU.
• Isaac: Look, I don't mind being in a cupboard with you!
• IT GOT WORSE
• Sissy: Aren't you going to say anything?
• THE LOOK OF PURE SHOCK AND JOY ON HIS FACE AND THEN SHE JUST DESTROYED IT, AND HE STILL DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, AND I JUST CAN'T OKAY?!
• they tried to balance it out with Randall and Lix being cute I AM ON TO ALL YOUR SHIT, BBC
• Hector: I can't give her children. She doesn't know yet.
• WELL THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.
• THE BBC: BRINGING YOU SURPRISE IMPOTENCY.
• Hector: (to Bel) For someone so brutally honest with everyone else, you display such blatant deceit when it comes to yourself!
• for those of you just now joining the program YES HECTOR JUST TOTALLY CALLED BEL OUT ON BEING IN LOVE WITH FREDDIE
• Bel: Freddie's...
• Hector: Back. I hear his wife's still away. And well, you did always have a penchant for the married man.
• CHEEKY.
• Freddie: You don't want to meet Bill, (is this Drearipants' real name I don't have a fucking clue I thought it was Phil) you want to come out with me.
• Bel: No I don't, I want to go out for a civilized meal with a civilized man.
• JESUS CHRIST BEL, TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH.
• Freddie: Stuff dinner, come with me.
• Bel: Oh, jump when you want me? You have a wife for that.
• attention the first aid tent will be passing out ice packs following this conversation
• Freddie: It's over. It's, um... It's just over. Me and Camille. something about not missing her asdfghjkl I lost track of his exact words because I MISS YOU MORE /hand on arm
• I am a sobbing mess right now I just can't even he wrote her LETTERS and just gET ON A PLANE and and and hold me.
• oh and back to Randall and Lix IF YOU THINK THEIR CUTENESS IS GOING TO FIX ME THEN YOU ARE WRONG.
• OH OF COURSE IT WASN'T THEIR DAUGHTER THANKS A LOT FOR THAT BBC.
• /lily-allen-fuck-you-very-much.mp3
• Isaac: Congratulations. He's a lucky chap.
• Sissy: Thank you, Isaac.
• but then his face just falls and why is this the worst episode ever
• yes good idea Drearipants spill all Hector's contract secrets to Bel she's sure to keep them safe
• MARNIE'S GOING TO EL PARADIS WITH HECTOR, YAYYY
• Lix: (to Randall) You are a fantastic drunk.
• Randall: It has been said.
• THESE TWO, I SWEAR.
• Lix: YOU-SHOULD-HAVE-LET-ME-SLEEP-KHAN.gif
• Randall: Hope is all we have.
• an accurate summary of that exchange
• Randall: *cuddling Lix* That's a start.
• that's me dead on the floor help
• NOW IT'S BEL TO THE RESCUE
• Marnie: *smiling* I don't know what anyone's talking about.
• basic character summary
• also, she is the best
• Marnie: Success is the best revenge.
• I stand by my previous assessment
• excuse me did Cilenti just say probably the most awful and sexist thing ever said on television and did it just come out of nowhere YEP.
• LOLOLOL MCCAIN BROUGHT A GIRL WITH HIM, IT'S A BIT LATE FOR THAT, M'BOY.
• Freddie: War is a game played with a smile.
• I just don't even know anymore, the writing's just so good
• intense-raid-blahblahblah then Bel almost tells Freddie something as per usual ON THE PLUS SIDE Hector and Marnie are a thing again hoorayyyy!
• it didn't end on a cliffhanger like normal what
• EXCEPT FOR IN THE "NEXT TIME" APPARENTLY SOMEONE IS GOING TO SHOOT THEMSELVES I think Stearne
• also it will be the last episode ever of The Hour since it got cancelled so there's that to look forward to
• I bet we get lots of plot resolution don't we
• am I right

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